she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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