The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
