Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
