So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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