still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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