Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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