Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
