omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
