I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
