I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
