I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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