the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
