Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
