I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
