That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
