I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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