Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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