your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
