i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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