I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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