Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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