I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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