i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
