people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
