tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
