My friends, they love my intelligence
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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