man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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