Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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