i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
