You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
