remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
