The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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