I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
