I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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