i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
