i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
