Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
