I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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