so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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