turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
