Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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