Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
