Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
