he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
