Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
