Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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