that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
