Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
