i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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