..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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