Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
