The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
